


Washed in the Tide

by prettyboydoctor



Series: Run To Me, Lover [3]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Brief Reference to Past Abuse, Cuddling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Sex, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Emotions, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, My tags are stream of consciousness so here we go, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Pre TROS, Redeemed Ben Solo, Rey Needs A Hug, Secret Relationship, Soulmates, Telepathic Bond, Telepathic Sex, The Force, big switch energy in this one, brief injury description, emotional and physical, first time? Kinda, handjobs, idk how i feel about that, limited sexual experience, lot of plot in this one, more like rivals to lovers, references to, shared POV, tbh they were never really enemies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-08
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:49:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25777681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prettyboydoctor/pseuds/prettyboydoctor
Summary: A sped up version of how Ben and Rey came to be in this predicament, this place between love and hate.How did they go from Crait to where they are now?In this one shot, I try to make sense of that.This is set before the other fics in this series, so it should make sense even if you haven’t  read the others!soft, fluffy love + pretty hot sex, which is near the end if you would like to avoid it!
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: Run To Me, Lover [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1743739
Comments: 13
Kudos: 42





	Washed in the Tide

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for clicking on my fic! Leave kudos and a comment if you enjoy, they mean the world to me!
> 
> The descriptions of abuse/violence are not explicit and very brief, but if that could trigger you please keep yourself safe and avoid this fic!
> 
> This is just my version of what happened between movies, the plot is very loose on purpose so you can kind of imagine your own ending for them. The canon one, or an entirely different one! One day I’ll write my own version, but until then I offer this!
> 
> Thank you again for taking the time to read, on with it!

It’s been a month since Crait, Rey still does her best to ignore anything to do with _him_. Does her best to throw herself into the Resistance, not giving herself time to dwell on it. Any of it. 

Currently, she’s working on the Falcon, trying to repair the damage done on their latest mission. She thinks of Han, briefly, his dice. Which leads her to...

_His face when she closed the door..._

She doesn’t turn around when the bond connects, focuses all her thoughts on anything but him. It always goes like this, has been since Crait. She’s frozen, hand halfway reaching for a tool. She stares straight ahead at the mess of wires she was trying to interpret. Still not moving. 

Even though it _hurts_ , like every atom in her body screams to turn around. To see his face, see if it still looks like it did a month ago, know if he’s as wrecked as she is. 

But she’s terrified of what she’ll see, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, or a broken Ben Solo. Somehow the latter terrifies her more.

Eventually the sounds around her rush back in, and he leaves. 

Rey huffs a sigh of relief, going back to her task.

This is how it always goes.

-

The bond connects again a few hours later and this time she’s in the cafeteria; she continues nodding to Finn’s story, hopes he doesn’t notice how her body tenses, how her hand shakes. She was thinking of him again as Finn tells a story about his impressive pilot maneuvers on their latest mission.

_Ben’s a great pilot..._

Rey clenches her tray of food a little tighter, focuses on running saber forms through her head. After a few very long seconds, Finn’s story floods back in. She laughs at a joke he makes, brushing off any of his concern. Telling him she’s just tired. 

She’s been tired since she left Ben on the floor in Snoke’s throne room.

It connects again and Rey promptly makes an excuse about having to go to bed, not looking at her friend’s faces, afraid she’ll see Ben if she looks at anything other than the ground. She rushes out the door, hoping it’ll seem like she’s just sick. 

It disconnects when she’s halfway back to her quarters. Her heart feels like it’s tearing in two.

-

That night she can’t sleep ( _again_ ), she just keeps replaying the throne room in her head, analyzing Ben’s face, how his hand trembled when he offered it to her.

He had killed Snoke _for her_.

Rey can’t understand.. he said he wanted everything to end, right? _All_ of it? Then why ask her to join him? Unless... no. If he knew he wanted it to end, why beg for her hand? Surely he didn’t... Rey wouldn’t allow herself to think it.

There’s no sound leaving her this time as the bond connects, the base was silent anyway. She has no clue what time it is, how long she’s lied awake, would bother checking once she heard movement outside. 

Only the telltale sound of a vacuum, weight on her bed, and then..

“Rey,” A voice whispers on the bed behind her, but it sounds strained. Like the owner’s teeth were clenched. 

_Ben._

She jolts, not expecting him to speak, he hadn’t since Crait. Of course, neither had she. They both just stayed there until the bond pulled them apart again.

Rey tells herself she isn’t gonna turn around, she’s not going to look at him, she tells herself even as she does it. Turning around so slowly to just peek out of the corner of her eye, and what she sees shatters her heart. 

On her bed beside her was a broken Ben Solo, not terrifying Supreme Leader Kylo Ren. She was right, it broke her, too.

But when he speaks again it feels like her whole body is dunked in ice.

“No,” He sounds like he’s begging. Tears slide down his cheeks, gathering in his hair. He’s eerily still, except his fists which are clenched and his whole body trembling ever so slightly.

She turns fully to him, recognizing he was sleeping, and having a nightmare it seems. Her heart clenches again as she takes in his features, head laying on her folded hands as she stares. The bags under his eyes, like he hasn’t slept much since the throne room either. The frown on his face, twisting his features into the perfect expression of misery. The layer of sweat that covered all the skin she could see, his lower half covered with a black satin sheet that was twisted around his legs. The crease between his brow as his eyes squeeze shut even tighter. He continues to mumble under his breath, but she can’t make out any words, even reading his lips she only manages to catch a few.

_Please. Rey. Stop. Don’t. Leave. No. Fuck. Please. Rey. Rey. Rey._

She can’t take it anymore, she has to wake him, can’t stand to see him like this. Before she even registers what she’s doing, her left hand is moving from under her head and reaching for his right, gripping it on top of the sheets.

Ben startles immediately, waking with a gasp. He’s panting as the images from his nightmare fade, a few fragments echoing through the bond. How much had Rey seen? He stares at the ceiling for a few moments before looking down at their hands, and he wonders briefly if he’s still dreaming. When he looks over at her, Rey’s staring at the ceiling. She doesn’t say anything, so neither does he. He turns his hand around, fingers connecting with hers. 

They lay there for what feels like forever, just holding hands.

Her thoughts catch up to her and she wants to say something, but can’t think of what to say. Nothing fits, not in the dark. In her bed.

Instead, thoughts bounce between them. Nothing concrete, nothing solid. Just feelings. The things too big to put into words. 

Too soon he’s gone, and Rey can hear the early risers in the base waking up around her. She squeezes her eyes shut, rolls over and buries her face in the pillow his head was just laying on, breathing deep and finally, _finally_ falling asleep.

-

The bond doesn’t connect for four whole days (usually she couldn’t get through a day without it connecting every time she thinks of him) after that night, and Rey starts to worry he’s been killed. But, no, if the Supreme Leader was dead the galaxy would know.

More than that, _she_ would know. She would _feel_ it.

Rey thinks of him, of that night, as she lays in bed again. She’s still sleeping in the spot he’d been in, she tries not to think about what that means.

She can’t get his face out of her mind, how miserable he looked. How when he woke and saw their hands, his whole body had relaxed. The trembling stopped. She keeps seeing his eyes, so shocked that she would touch him again. She’d felt how surprised he was. He didn’t think she’d ever touch him, let alone look at him. Not after the throne room.

She supposes she shouldn’t. Shouldn’t want to hold him, tell him everything would be alright, stroke his hair so he could sleep.

But she did. Force, she wanted it _so_ much.

Her own voice echoes through her thoughts, _“If I go to him, Ben Solo will turn.”_

But it wasn’t that easy, was it? She was so sure, screaming at Luke in the pouring rain, that all Ben needed was someone to believe in him. Believe that he could be good, instead of casting him aside at the slightest hint of darkness. 

But life wasn’t that simple, the galaxy wasn’t that simple. One person isn’t enough to change what you and everyone else thinks of you. It was easier to be what everyone expected, then to be what you wanted to be. She gets that. His whole life, Ben had two legacies staring him in the face. Then, he had all this power, and no one knows how to handle it, least of all him. And, like Anakin, he had no choice but to let it drag him down. Then, everyone leaves because they can’t deal with him. She gets that, too.

Rey realizes with a shock that she’s done the same thing. The throne room.... he’d showed her his light, blinding and strong enough to match her own. He’d showed her his darkness too, a pit of sorrow that she felt in her own chest now. Voices telling her she’d never be enough, as they had told him. He’d shown her all of that, trusted her with it, and she’d asked him to go another way? He had never known another way. 

_Fuck_. She’d left him like everyone else had. 

Not anymore, she decides. Next time she sees him she’ll tell him so. There was a lot they could teach each other, maybe a truce could be useful?

Why did he need to pick a side? Why did she? Everyone had light and dark in them, and from what Rey had seen, trying to suppress either never did anyone any good. 

What was that Leia had mentioned.... gray jedis? Neither light nor dark? She liked the sound of that. They could do it, together.

Rey had never had anyone want to know her like he did, who was willing to give up everything, just for her. That’s what he’d said that night, isn’t it?

_“I want you to join me.”_

Maybe, just maybe, they could become that for each other.

Rey knew he’d never had that, and neither had she. She could recognize that need in a person, even without their bond. 

But she’s never wanted to care for someone the way she does for him. She stops that train of thought before it goes too far.

Her anger over the throne room is all but gone. She knows, now. What he was asking (begging) her for, and it terrifies her. She realized it that night he was in her bed. He didn’t want to rule the galaxy, not truly, he wanted belonging. To not be alone. To be himself, without the weight of the galaxy’s heroes on his shoulders.

_“Let the past die.”_

She could understand that, and she thinks briefly maybe they can both have that. Touches and all. But no they can’t, not now. It’s too late for them.

Just when she’s about to squeeze her eyes shut and start counting happabores the vacuum sound is back, and with it the weight on her bed. This time he’s on the other side, and Rey’s facing him.

She tenses when she realizes he isn’t sleeping. They lock eyes, a million words flowing between them but nothing is said. Thoughts bounce off mental shields, reinforced on both sides, for now.

She has _so much_ to say, and now she isn’t even sure where to start.

Rey takes in his condition, tears welling in her eyes ( _stop it_ ) as she sees the dark bruises on his face, the bandages wrapped around his entire chest, some bandages on his arms as well, wrapping over his left shoulder. She gasps softly, lips trembling of their own accord.

So that’s why the bond hadn’t connected them....

Ben ( _Ben_ ) blinks slowly, pressing his lips together tightly. He relaxes after a moment, face and body melting into her mattress.

“I keep thinking of what to say,” he whispers, gentle, “but no language could sum it all up.” His voice sounds rough, disused. He keeps his eyes closed for a second, like it’s easier to talk to her if he can’t see her. When he does open them, they’re swimming with emotion that Rey can feel even without relying on the bond.

Rey doesn’t know what to say to that, or even in general. He hit the nail on the head (as one of master Leia’s friends would say). No words could explain the _pit_ she got in her stomach thinking of him, of how everything had gone. Or the _void_ that opened in her chest when she realized he was hurt.

“You don’t have to say anything,” Rey whispers back finally, because it’s true, and she takes his hand without another thought. She drops her shields a bit and feels his weaken as well, making sure he knew, he didn’t have to say anything he didn’t want to. She was here, she understood. They’d have to talk sometime, but that didn’t need to be right now. 

Ben gasps a little, lets out a shaky breath. He nods, swallows thickly as he tightens his hand around hers, their fingers interlocking. They continue looking at each other and eventually Rey starts to feel sleepy, and without another word Ben pulls her into his embrace. She goes without thinking, carefully lays her head on an uncovered part of his chest, melting into him as they both drift off, peacefully. Dreamlessly. 

When Rey wakes the next morning he’s gone. But she’s smiling. For the first time in over a month.

-

It goes on like this for about 3 weeks. The bond constantly connecting, no matter what she’s doing, what time of day.

Although after that night in her bed, when the bond connects its different. She still doesn’t say anything during the day, just looks at him, makes eye contact before she goes back to her task and he goes back to whatever it is he’s doing. Subtle thoughts pass between them, careful brushes of their hands when no one is looking. But no words, as they are both usually in rooms with other people. They’d look crazy to anyone else. She hopes no one notices her glancing at the walls and smiling, because if they do she looks crazy anyway.

She feels guilty, too. Like she’s betraying her friends, Leia, the entire resistance. But this connection, this oneness, it was her’s and Ben’s. No one else’s. Rey was always sure Snoke had nothing to do with this, and now he was dead she was more sure than ever that this was something else. Something that was theirs. 

So she decides no one needs to know. Pushes the unnecessary guilt from her mind.

The days go like that, careful glances and the briefest of touches.

But at night, when it’s just the two of them in her room on base, they lay in each other’s arms and they talk. About everything, opening their minds to each other when it’s too hard to say the words.

“It’s finally quiet,” Ben says tonight, fingers combing methodically through Rey’s hair which is only down when she lays with him. He’s healed from whatever had happened to him (he hadn’t wanted to talk about it, and she hadn’t pushed) a few weeks ago, chest fully bare, sheet still over his waist.

Their minds are fully open to each other, always were now when they lay like this.

“Hmm?” She hums, sensing he has more to say. She ghosts her fingers over his bare chest, tracing patterns between his moles. Imagining the stars in her mind. Her head rests on his right peck, her other arm stuffed under the pillow beneath his head, her fingers brushing his shoulder. She presses a gentle kiss to his skin to encourage him. 

She’s kissed his skin so many times in the past few weeks, but not his lips. Ironic, she thinks, since they hold each other every night. Somehow, though, doing that would be admitting something to herself she wasn’t ready to admit. She was starting to realize how foolish that was. She’d already admitted that to herself when she shipped herself to the Supremacy with barely a thought. Ben hadn’t pushed, sensing her reasons without her saying.

“Ever since I was a kid.. there were these voices just there. I didn’t know exactly what they were until I was 15 when Luke...” He trails off, sighing heavily, her head raising with it. She can hear his heart rate increase, feel his body start to tremble.

She looks up at him, eyes wide and soft, “Snoke,” she whispers. He nods, running his hand through his own hair as his other tightens against her scalp. 

Rey suddenly remembers a time she was scavenging with another of Plutt’s people, feeling a chill that had nothing to do with the stagnant desert air. Had that been him? His fall? She’d been barely 5 years old, Ben was 10 years older than her. Had she felt him even then? She isn’t shocked, not really, it makes sense. Feels right.

She adjusts herself to look up at him, how his eyes are glassed over with tears unshed. Her lips tremble as she presses them to his jawline. She hesitates before sitting up, staring at him as she gathers the courage.

“But it’s gone now... it’s just you,” Ben finishes, brows furrowing as she sits up. Her heart clenches painfully. But in a good way. He’s about to follow her, but she rests a hand on his chest to keep him laying down. She leans down, presses her lips to his softly. 

“ _Finally_ ,” a voice whispers in her head, his. Ben’s. She chuckles and pulls back, about to make a witty remark, but he sits up slightly, using his hand still in her hair to pull her back to him. 

She sighs happily against his mouth, kissing him much deeper this time. She’s never done this, never had the need or even the want to on Jakku. Now she can’t imagine going the rest of her life without doing this. She didn’t think it would feel like this, like every surface of her body was a live wire inside of a ship. Like nothing else mattered, just him.

_Him. Him. Him. Ben._

She starts to think that maybe it isn’t too late for them, she could still get the happily ever after she’d dreamed of on Jakku. It would take work but she was almost sure now they could make it. 

Ben groans into her mouth, gripping her left thigh to pull her over him. Rey goes, a fire igniting in her belly. One she’d only felt with him. She pulls back just enough to catch her breath, panting into his mouth, their breaths tangling together. 

“Rey...” Ben whispers, hesitant, “We should stop before you regret this.” Like he wasn’t the one that pulled her into his lap. He sounds pained, like it’s only a matter of time before she pushes him away. But she _won’t_ , she _can’t_. They’d been heading this way for weeks. Months, even. Long before Crait, long before she woke him with the gentlest of touches. 

Every hesitation, every sense of guilt, every feeling of doubt leaves her as she looks at him. Her eyes take in everything she can at this close proximity, the hesitant hope on his face. His open soft lips, which she can tell are trembling. His soft lashes, fluttering as his eyes take her in. His eyes, glassy and wide, like they can’t believe what they’re seeing.

Nothing had ever felt so _right_ , so final, so whole. As him, as this. Their connection, whatever it is, she’s convinced it could only be good. He could. He had his darkness, but so did she. Everyone did. He hadn’t had a choice (not really, only two legacies a child could never live up to), she did as soon as she left Jakku. He had one now, and she was going to make sure he’d take it.

That’s what Maz had meant right? Someone could still come back to her, _Ben_.

Rey closes the distance between them again, pressing her answer into his lips. She moves her hands from where they rest on his shoulders to cup his face, thumbs smoothing over the scars on his cheeks, paying special attention to the one she put there. She drops her shields completely, lets him feel how much she wants this. Needs this.

He gasps into her mouth, hands tightening on her waist, fingers dipping just slightly under the waist of the leggings she wears to bed. Her top half is covered in a thin sleep shirt, which her nipples are already poking through.

Ben drops his shields in return, and her eyes well with tears when his thoughts hit her. He wants this, so much. But he doesn’t feel like he can allow it. This is crossing a line, and he can’t bear to lose her once they cross it. 

He doesn’t realize he already has her. No matter what happens from here on out, he has her. That won’t change. She decides all she can do is show him.

Rey’s never done this before but it feels natural as she moves both her hands to smooth down the front of his chest, fingertips brushing oh so softly over his nipples. 

Ben moans lowly, hips lifting both of them off the bed before falling back to the mattress. She grins into his mouth, parting her lips to dart her tongue out. People did that, right? He answers her with his tongue, pulling her bottom lip between his teeth and sucking softly before releasing her mouth again. 

She senses he’s about to argue again so she speaks before he has the chance to, “Ben Solo,” She doesn’t realize its the first time she’s spoke his full name out loud since the throne room. He does. “You want this, right?” She continues on. 

He nods enthusiastically, nose bumping hers. “Yes, but Rey-“

She cuts him off again, this time with a kiss. “Then, let yourself have it. _Please_ , I want this Ben,” She says his name. Again. 

“You can’t leave,” Ben whispers desperately, voice wobbling, “If we...” He trails off, clears his throat, “It’s been a _while_ , and if we do this now I won’t be able to let you go.”

She sighs, sits back in his lap, all her weight on his thighs. “You won’t have to, as long as you aren’t still trying to take over the galaxy.” She says pointedly, but with humor.

Rey knew from Resistance intel that Supreme Leader Kylo Ren had been absent as of late, even before his injuries. He still went to meetings, made face, but any military decisions fell to General Hux and Admiral Pryde, Ren hardly butted in now. He still never wore a helmet, though the stoic look on his face scared even her sometimes. She’d eavesdropped on a number of First Order meetings in the past several weeks.

He’d never admit it, but Rey suspected they could attribute every failure on Hux’s part to meddling by Ben.

Ben’s stunned, his features betraying his shock as he catches her thoughts. “I’ve thought about leaving,” he whispers, “running away. But where would I go?”

_Here_ , Rey thinks, and then quickly discards the idea. Leia’s son or not, the former Supreme Leader wouldn’t be treated with a warm welcome. 

“I can help you,” She says instead, echoing her words from what felt like a lifetime ago. “Let me help you,” She pleads.

He shakes his head, he doesn’t want to talk about this, plays with the hem of Rey’s shirt so he doesn’t have to meet her eyes. Not now. “My only plans for the galaxy now, include you. Outside of that, nothing matters,” Ben murmurs, nothing but raw honesty dripping from his voice like honey, the cadence of his words taking her to a higher plane.

The breath leaves Rey’s lungs. He cares for her that deeply? They’d come a long way in just a few short weeks, though they were nearly there before Crait. Every good relationship had speed bumps. 

Is that what they were now? She’d unpack that later. 

Rey is transfixed, nodding. That’s enough, for now. It is. Besides, Ben might be useful as an inside man. She’s sure the intel they’ve been receiving is from him, but understands why he won’t admit it. Not even to her. She’d worry, not like she doesn’t already, but still. She understands. 

She leans forward again, pressing her lips to his, whispering against them, “Just please be careful, you can’t leave me either.” Her tone is serious, no room for discussion. 

Ben’s heart squeezes with the care in her voice, he nods gently, forehead pressing against hers as he murmurs back, “Wouldn’t dream of it, sweetheart.”

He sounds so much like his dad that it breaks Rey’s heart for him all over again. She wraps her arms around his shoulders, finally connecting their lips again.

Ben wastes no time responding, his hands tracing down her body to settle on her hips, squeezing as he kisses her back, lips parting for her when she keens under his touch.

_How many times has he done this?_ She thinks, starting to feel self conscious. Rey was no stranger to pleasure, had experienced plenty on her own. But it was different with another person, especially Ben. Oddly, she felt no weirdness. This felt like the most logical thing she’d ever done. She leaned forward, her shirt brushing his bare chest.

Ben disconnects their lips, moving to nip at her neck as he speaks, “Just twice. But I’ve never uh...” He trails off, suddenly shy. His thoughts speak for him through the bond.

_Oh_ , Rey realizes. He’d never had an orgasm?

Ben chuckles deeply as he catches that, gaining some bravado back. “Plenty, just not by another person,” He shrugs, not really wanting to get into specifics. The first time had been okay, he supposes. They were both teenagers and clumsy as hell, but he hadn’t wanted to become a Knight of Ren still a virgin. It felt good, but not great and he thought something was wrong with him until he took himself in hand later that night. The second time... had been less pleasant. A conquest for Snoke.

Rey caught on, cradling his face in one hand and the other gripping his shoulder a little tighter, “Hey, shh, we don’t have to think about that,” She reassures quickly, “I just don’t know... how to do any of this. But I want to learn,” She informs him earnestly.

“I don’t either,” He whispers into her skin, “Just do what feels good.” Ben helps her pull her shirt off, wasting no time kissing across her chest, marveling at her bare breasts. “You’re so beautiful,” He murmurs, licking across her collarbone. 

“Hmm,” She keens, back arching to press herself closer to him. Ben moves to sit up and she stops him, setting her hands on his shoulders but not exerting any force to hold him down. He stays anyway, Rey finds she likes that. _A lot._

She sits back on his thighs, pulling the sheet down to expose his _very_ tight briefs. Rey’s mouth practically waters as she looks at the bulge in his pants, ghosting her fingertips over it. Ben shivers and Rey smirks, she did that, made Ben Solo tremble.

That was enough to spur her on, tugging his boxers down enough so his cock could spring free, bobbing up against his stomach, already hard.

She’d felt him against her back over the last few weeks, hard not to when they woke up pressed tightly together. Ben tried to stick around until she woke up, and most mornings he was there.

In all that time she’d never realized how fucking _huge_ he was. 

Ben chuckles deeply, sounding strained with the effort to stay still, catching her thought. 

Rey rolls her eyes at him, feeling his smugness through the bond. She lets herself trace her fingers up the underside of his cock, smirking when it twitches against his stomach.

Ben whines, trying to press closer to her but unable to move his hips with the way she was sitting on him. “Not fair,” He grumbles, sounding put out.

“Hush,” She whispers, “Just let me take care of you.”

Ben shivers at that, and Rey catalogues the response. If that did it for him, she could work with it. Happily.

Rey wraps her hand around him fully now, all shyness gone in the confidence gained from his responses. Ben groans again as he relaxes back into the mattress, content to let her explore as she pleased. He’d get his turn soon enough anyway, he’d make sure of it.

Her hand tightens as his thoughts wash over her, making her core clench with the anticipation. She can feel herself soaking through her panties already, just from his reactions to her.

Having him like this awakened something in her she had not known existed. She had always assumed sex was purely physical; something people did to pass the time, or exert power, or just simply for procreation. But she had never imagined it could be... _more_. Like her entire existence in that moment was dedicated to making him feel good, just because she wanted to and because he deserved it.

Rey glances up at his face, melting at the look of pure awe as he looks at her with lidded eyes, his head is picked up just slightly from the pillow so he can watch her. She twists her hand experimentally, pleased when she finds he likes that. She starts to glide it up and down over his shaft, intent to feel every inch of him. Her thumb can’t reach her middle finger around him, so she starts to twist her hand as she glides.

And _oh_. The sound Ben makes is deep, strangled in the back of his throat. Like he’s ashamed of it. She can’t have that, she wants to hear him. Every little noise, she wants them _all_.

“Don’t hold back on me,” She whispers, shifting her weight on his thighs so he can thrust shallowly into her hand like she can tell he so desperately wants to. It’s so easy, through the bond, he doesn’t have to communicate what he wants, she just knows. Though, she suspects they’d be this way even without the bond.

Still, Rey can hear his inner monologue in her head clear as day, and it spurs her on.

_She’s perfect, she’s fucking perfect. How did I get so lucky? Those fucking eyes, they’re enough to topple star systems._

Ben listens graciously, unclenching his teeth so every soft moan and plea can filter through his lips, “Rey,” he whispers softly, just as she ghosts her fingers over his slit, fluid starting to gather there. She pulls her hand away, fascinated.

The sound he makes at the loss of her hand is nothing compared to the whine that keens from his throat when Rey licks his precome off her fingers. Ben’s gaze is still on her, enraptured, but his neck is starting to tire from holding his head up and he drops it to the mattress with a groan, eyes forced to the ceiling.

He doesn’t see her eyes shine with hunger, or notice the urge settling deep in her mind until it was all she could think about, or see her lick her lips, or move her head down to his cock, licking a long stripe up the side of it as she grips the base.

He almost shouts with the shock of her warm mouth against him, but he gathers himself and presses his lips shut in time, shuddering as her mouth wraps around his tip, sucking softly.

“Stars, Rey, how are you s-so,” Ben breaks off with a moan, “ _Fuck_ ,” he grunts, hips stuttering with the effort not to press into her mouth, “So good at this?” He finishes.

Rey doesn’t answer vocally, mouth still busy as she sets her hands on his hips, softly tugging to encourage his hips to shallowly thrust towards her mouth, stopping him with a gentle push when he touches the back of her throat. 

Instead, her thoughts twinkle through the bond to him. _You said do what feels good, and your responses are very telling, I like hearing you._

Ben can only moan in response, words getting stuck in his throat. He needed to touch her, pleasure her in the way she was pleasuring him.

_Let me, first_ , She pushes the words to his mind.

He wants to let her, doesn’t want to upset her, but sitting still is killing him. He barely flexes a muscle, using his thigh to push her off of him to the other side of the bed. Ben sighs softly at the loss of her mouth, but puts his energy into crawling over to her, laying along her side. He presses a kiss to the shocked set of her mouth, the force of his shove had caused her bounce against the mattress. He chuckles mentally, lips smirking against hers. 

“Control freak,” Rey mutters against his mouth, but she’s smiling, pleased. Her hands drift towards his hair, burying in it like she’d fantasized about all this time. She sighs happily, even as she feels his smugness through the bond.

_You like it,_ He accuses, voice full of mirth even mentally. Her fingernails scratch at his scalp, making him whine.

She does, but she’ll never admit it out loud. The change in position really isn’t so bad, though, especially not when his hand drifts down her sternum. His fingers blaze a trail against her bare skin, he skirts carefully around each breast. She arches her back as he caresses each nipple in turn before resting at the waistband off her leggings, his fingers dipping cautiously below the fabric to toy with her panties. His lips drift from hers down her neck, over the shoulder closest to him.

Rey whines, impatient, and that’s all he needs to roughly shove both her leggings and underwear down to her knees. The rush in his movements mimics the rushing of her blood and she moans. She didn’t think it’d be this.. easy. Like breathing. She didn’t even have to think, they both just knew what the other wanted. She never wanted to lose this feeling. 

“Rey,” His voice, out loud, breaks her from her thoughts. His hand is paused on her thigh, and she realizes she was spacing out at the ceiling, he isn’t upset though. He knows what she was thinking, and he understands. He’d never experienced this either. “Let’s not overthink it, okay? We’re here, we’re good. That’s all that matters,” He murmurs softly, and somehow that’s exactly what she needs to hear. She nods shakily, pulling his face back to hers, hands still in his hair.

Ben mumbles something against her mouth, but she doesn’t catch it and his thoughts don’t reveal it to her either. She forgets about it pretty quickly when his fingers brush through her curls just above where she wants him most. He slides his middle finger between her lips and she keens, moaning softly, “Ben, Ben, please, I need-“ She cuts off with a contented hum as he listens to her silent pleas, pressing just so against her clit.

_Fuck, you’re so wet,_ She hears in her mind, though it sounds like he grumbled it against her lips too.

Rey gives up on trying to focus on kissing him and the fire between her legs, mouth dropping open as she pants softly, breath mingling with his. She grinds her hips into his hand subconsciously, muscles twitching on their own. 

Her breath hitches as he presses against her with his whole hand. His middle two fingers pay special attention to the bead of nerves there and she feels feral, not bothering to stifle her whines.

Ben _craves_ it and understands what she meant now. He could tell exactly what she wanted, and he didn’t even have to ask. Didn’t even hear it in her thoughts, either, at least not tangibly. It was as if their pleasure was connected, what felt good to her felt good to him. In the sense that it felt right. It was an overwhelming experience, indescribable.

Rey wants more, needs more, and she can tell he does too.

“We don’t have to,” Ben mumbles, lips moving to her cheek, hand still rubbing against her softly, “We can just do this.”

“I want to,” She whispers, and he knows. He does too, she also knows that.

Ben grasps her hips, pulling her back on top of him, settling himself further up on the bed so he can rest his back against the headboard/wall. She settles her knees on either side of his waist, her core brushing against his still weeping cock. They both shiver, hands tightening their hold on the other. 

_Birth control?,_ He thinks briefly, appalled he hasn’t thought of it sooner, entranced by her like he always was.

_Implant_ , She responds, sounding impatient even mentally. He chuckles.

Rey picks her hips up slightly, moving her right hand to grasp him as her other keeps her balance on his shoulder. She digs her fingers into his skin, close to the base of his neck. Ben keens, tilting his head back. She’d examine that later.

Their eyes lock again as she lines him up, sinking down just slightly, the head of him stretching her and she panics briefly, thinking there’s no way he’ll fit. It’s an extremely embarrassing thought, and one she hopes he doesn’t catch. But of course he does. 

He doesn’t laugh, though, keeping his hips so still as his hands massage her thighs. Rey can tell it’s taking a lot of effort to stay as still as he is, but she appreciates it. 

“Breathe, Rey,” He whispers, and she does, instantly calming as he continues to encourage her, “Take your time, it’s okay, I’ve got you.” It does wonders for her anxiety, and she questions why she panicked in the first place. It was _Ben_.

She starts to move again, the panic gone, and it surprises her how easy it is to sink a few inches before stopping again. It starts to feel _good_ , actually. But also like she’s being punched in the stomach. She kind of likes that. 

Ben, beautiful Ben, stays as still as he can, muscles twitching every now and then. His hands rub patterns over her thighs, hips, and ass. Kneading her muscles as she circles her hips experimentally.

She’s okay though, she feels like she always will be with him. It burns, and it’s uncomfortable. But it’s also _amazing_ , because it’s Ben. Her Ben. All that time, waiting for her parents, searching for something. She was searching for this. Maybe not sex, but this sense of _belonging_. Of _rightness_. She’d never felt it before, and didn’t want to ever stop now that she had.

Before she registers what’s happening, her hips are flush with his, and they both moan lowly at the pleasure flowing through the bond. Like the force was singing around them. 

Rey gathers her bearings, grinding her hips against his, moaning at the burn now. It was a good burn, like he was branding her from the inside out. Her clit brushes against the hair on his pelvis and that’s a good burn, too. She isn’t going to last much longer, can feel the tightening of her core that usually signaled the fireworks she managed to create for herself. Still, she was sure she was going to orgasm much harder with him than she ever had on her own. Certainly faster. 

Ben was close too, between his hips thrusting softly up the mattress into her and the friction they had managed to create, he wasn’t going to last much longer. It was otherworldly. He tried to hold out, but it had been so long. He would make it up to her. 

Rey was so close, just- _oh_. If the orgasms before him were fireworks, this was like a sun gone supernova. An occurrence she’d only seen in books, fascinated by the idea as a child. Ben was a supernova, in the most stunning way possible. 

Ben felt her clench around him, her hips stuttering wildly as she moaned loudly, head tipping back and mouth dropping open. He lets go, pressing himself deep into her, coming with a low groan as he tightened his hold on her hips. 

It would probably bruise, he felt bad about that. She didn’t, nails digging into his shoulders and back. He keened, whining softly as she tugged at his hair, hips coming to a halt as her orgasm finished. The aftershocks still caused her to twitch around him, as he did the same inside her. The sensation was shocking. That, and the bond was still singing, practically humming between them.

Rey falls forward into his chest, panting softly as she processes it all. Ben does the same, lips pressed into her hair, holding her close as he falls against the pillows.

For a while, no words are said, just pure emotion coursing through the bond. Awe, belonging, security, safety, hope, and even love. Everything neither of them had had as children. 

Eventually they can both breathe normally again.

Ben settles his hands under Rey’s ass, picking her up from his lap, finally disconnecting them. They sigh collectively at the loss, and Rey panics for a moment. Thinking foolishly that Ben would leave her and disappear now. 

He simply sets her back on the bed beside him before pulling her into his arms, resuming their position from before. Rey settles her head on his chest, brushing her fingers through the sheen of sweat their activities had created. 

Ben hums pleasantly, his hand settling back in her hair at the base of her neck. Like it belonged there.

A thought strikes Ben, something he’d been turning around for a few weeks and had meant to bring up to her. She beats him to it, speaks before him.

“How do you think it works, the bond?” Rey whispers, voice rough still but soft and sweet at the same time. He melts all over again.

“I have a few theories,” He hums, not surprised to hear his voice is just as rough as hers. 

“Such as?” She prompts him after he doesn’t offer the information. She isn’t sure why he isn’t, but she can feel he’s embarrassed. Now he’s embarrassed? She has to laugh, but he knows she isn’t laughing _at_ him. Not exactly.

Ben chuckles with her, shaking his head, “I think, actually I’m fairly certain, the bond only opens like this when we both want it to. When we’re thinking of each other.”

Rey nods, not surprised at all. But she understands the embarrassment now, the bond connects a lot. But then, she was always thinking of him. Oh, he said both of them, didn’t he? He thought of her that much? Again, Rey is shocked when she shouldn’t be. 

Ben hums, kissing her forehead, “The only reason it was silent for those few days was because I was knocked out. I don’t remember dreaming, but I swear if I had any they were about you. That’s why I think it stays connected at night, we’re still aware of each other.”

Rey’s recovered, listening intently again, but his words manage to knock the breath from her yet again. “I did notice if I thought of something else you’d go away,” She mumbles. It’d _killed_ her to do it, but back then it’d made everything easier. Had it really only been mere weeks since Crait? It felt like days and years all at once.

His curiosity is piqued, and he has to ask, “What’d you think of to make me go away?”

Her cheeks flush pink, and Ben ( _that bastard_ ) is amused, chuckling warmly. 

“Saber forms,” She mutters unwillingly, even though he can feel the shame through the bond.

“Did it work?” Ben asks, the smile obvious in his voice even as she avoids his face, face still buried against his chest.

“Sometimes,” She shrugs, “Not usually. What did you think of?” Rey hopes to get him back, but she should’ve known it would backfire. She peeks back up at his face, comforted by his calm expression.

“I didn’t,” He says nonplussed, no hint of embarrassment now. Just that same raw honesty as before, “I wanted you to talk to me, and I tried to give you every opportunity without overwhelming you. I’m not sure I succeeded,” He finishes on a genuine laugh. Rey expected him to be upset still, it’s a little disorienting that he isn’t.

“I understand why you didn’t, I needed to say something first,” He continues, not wanting her to feel guilty.

“But you didn’t,” Rey cuts in fiercely, finding her courage. She sits up just slightly so she can meet his eyes. “Ben, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know how to say it then, and I don’t now. But I shouldn’t have left you, I’ve regretted it everyday,” She murmurs, just as honest as he had been.

“You were right to,” He hums to her, fingers twirling the ends of her hair as his eyes skirt over her face. “I needed to face my demons on my own, own up to what I’d done. Hold myself accountable, none of that was on you. It still isn’t.”

She nods, “I know that, but I want to help in anyway I can. Let me help, please,” Rey says, noticing his hesitation, “I won’t do anything reckless, I just want to make it easier for you if I can. And you’ve never scared me, if that’s what you’re worried about.” She can feel he is.

Ben presses his lips together, moving them on the bed so his head lays on her chest now. Her hands immediately delve into his hair, working out the tangles that she’d caused. He listens intently to her heartbeat to calm himself as he thinks on his response.

Rey gives him a moment, feeling the emotions flooding him. He didn’t deserve her, he was certain of that. She’d change his mind in time. No matter how long it took.

“You will be reckless, but I can’t stop that so I won’t fight it,” Ben sighs eventually, his breath washing over her still bare chest. She shivers, goosebumps littering her skin now. He hums, pleased, “I’ll let you know if there’s anything you can do.”

_Right now, just hold me,_ He finishes in her mind, his mental voice echoing in her ears.

Rey can do that. Planned to until the end of the galaxy, or time. Whichever came first. 

She pulls Ben closer to her chest, hands cradling his head and legs slung over his waist. He wraps his arms around her torso, fingers trailing along her side.

Rey falls asleep with her lips still pressed to his temple, his face shoved in between her breasts, like he was trying to bury himself in her.

It’s the best she’s ever slept, better than any night they held hands.

For the first time in a long time, maybe ever, she looked forward to the future with hope.  


**Author's Note:**

> We meet again! I hope you enjoyed, and again thanks from the bottom of my cold heart. I hope to have more written in this verse soon, but updates will be erratic, if you’d like to keep up please follow me on Twitter @ reysoloben 
> 
> Lore links bc I can’t help myself
> 
> https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Happabore
> 
> https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Supremacy
> 
> https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Jakku
> 
> https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Crait
> 
> https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Han_Solo%27s_dice
> 
> https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Force-bond
> 
> https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Unkar_Plutt


End file.
